Emily Nagoski, host of Come As You Are, is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your…
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This week, Emily answers a question from her producer, Mo, about consent. Mo and her girlfriend are considering a new sexual experience but they’re not both an “enthusiastic yes” on the idea. Mo’s girlfriend joins the conversation, and they delve into the idea of “enthusiastic maybe” in consent and how to handle all the comfortable, joyful, and consensual “maybes” that can come up in sex. A heads up before listening: in this conversation, we touch on difficult topics such as coercion and manipulation in sex. If this episode brings up some feelings for you, check out our resources below.
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557 or send a voice memo to email@example.com. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
- “ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire Society” by Angela Chen
- Emily learned the language of “willing consent” from Suzanne Iasenza
- For more on “human givers” and “human winners” read “Burnout”
- Emily’s Tiktok
- Emily’s definition of consent: “Everyone is glad to be there and free to leave with no unwanted consequences. Plus, there is no unwanted pain.”
CONSENT AND SURVIVOR RESOURCES:
- RAINN on consent and information for sexual assault survivors
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center
- Me Too Movement Resource Library