The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most

“Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community”

“Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold”

“Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships”

“How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals’ Listening Buffers Teachers’ Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior”

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls

“Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons”

“Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing”

“Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing”

“Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being”

“The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial: